Objectification of men: What we are allowed to do, you are not allowed to do

She's only been talking about his biceps for three months. My friend L. has a new boyfriend and he – apparently – has biceps. She is obsessed and has created numerous bicep memes that regularly flood our chat group. Sometimes a woman crying for help: “I’m sick please send biceps”, sometimes a man on his knees with folded hands begging for biceps, sometimes a simple one: “I love biceps”.

When L. talks about her biceps obsession over a beer, half ironically, half seriously, P., the only guy in the group, replies: "It would be extremely problematic if a man talked about his girlfriend's butt or breasts like that." L. disagrees: “The sound makes the music,” she says. If a man spoke as enthusiastically about his girlfriend's intellect, empathy, and sharp sense of humor as she does about her boyfriend, and on top of that, emphasized how great her ass is, that would be okay.

As paradoxical as it may sound at first, it is not a double standard when women objectify men and at the same time get upset about their own sexualization. The difference lies in the context: women have been structurally objectified for centuries, reduced to their bodies and their social value has been tied to their fuckability.

When women turn the tables and beat men at their own game, that is appropriation, not discrimination. When Ikkimel raps: "Baby, you're delicious, is the cock also available in large?" is empowerment. When influencer Maria Ludovica demands that men should “apologize if they don’t fuck properly” it is empowering. And when influencer Evil Suki is looking for a “money slave” to finance her visit to Oktoberfest, that is also empowering.

Because it's not attack, it's defense. Maria Ludovica's demand comes from the shame she used to feel during sex when she didn't reach climax, she says. Ikkimel raps these lines to stand up to rappers like Kollegah and Farid Bang, who sing about women: "Bitches today want to stay virgins / Two options: ass or open your mouth, little one." And Evil Suki pokes fun at men who boastfully present themselves as breadwinners and derive a natural claim to their partners from this.

At the same time, it is true that it is neither productive nor particularly emancipatory to reproduce the devaluations that we ourselves defend ourselves against. We are unlikely to overcome unequal gender relations simply by adopting men's low-income degradation strategies.

Instead of simply turning the tables, we should think of new categories. In her book “Ugliness,” Moshtari Hilal suggests greatness as an alternative to the concept of beauty: “You don’t become great through innate looks, but through experiences,” she writes.

Because L. thinks her boyfriend is absolutely great. And his biceps too.