The truth: oiled underpants

A medieval fortress in the suburbs. You can hear fanfares, clanging swords, the thundering of hooves - all croaking from speakers mounted outside and playing the Spotify playlist “Medieval Ambience”. A construction site is announced on a poster: "A moat is being built here. No entry allowed! Munherren are liable for their servants."

The high castle walls are pompous. Only at second glance do you notice that they are made of papier-mâché. Instead of a doorbell: a battering ram. It opens after the first ramming.

Meinhardt Hadumar Baron von Adlerwickelsfelsen, whose real name is Heinz Jupp Pichlhuber, welcomes us in his knight's hall. He wears shimmering armor. Although the military wear probably weighs 50 kilos, the modern knight moves lightly. It's a shame that it squeaks terribly with every movement.

"The thing still needs to be oiled by my squire," he says shortly, before exclaiming: "Welcome heralds, you who spread the latest messages! Shall your horses be led into my stables?" Since we park our rental car outside, we decline. However, we say yes to the “golden cup full of mead” and the (round) Ritter Sport chocolate bar on offer. We sit down at a wooden table decorated with carvings. After a few performances by a court jester and a juggler – two drama students who earn extra money – the conversation can begin.

Two years ago, the lawyer Pichlhuber gave up his business law firm to devote himself to life as a knight. But converting his house into a castle, competing in knightly tournaments in his front yard and minimizing his personal hygiene to medieval levels weren't enough for the 53-year-old. That's why he founded his own order of knights. "First I wanted a subdivision of the Order of the Garter - called the Order of the Underpants. Then I had the idea, since many of our members are civil servants, to call us the Order of the Stamps. It ultimately became the Order of the Golden Gravel - a reference to my magnificent gravel garden."

But what are the tasks of a modern knightly order? Adlerwingsfelsen assures us that his organization primarily pursues charitable purposes. Several fundraisers were organized to collect money to convert his house into a castle. And where does this order stand politically? Close to the Reich citizens? “Fool!” exclaims the lord of the castle as he uses a lance to remove a remnant of wild boar from his teeth, which are otherwise cared for by a wandering toothbreaker. "They think we live in the Empire of 1871. That's far too progressive. In reality, we still live in the Franconian Empire of Charlemagne!"

Then recently came the shock: the application for recognition as an order of chivalry was rejected by the Vatican. "When I read the rejection parchment, I was almost knighted. I would give my last coat of mail for papal recognition." A few tears creep down the bearded cheeks. He quickly wipes away the small trickle. “Knights don’t cry, otherwise the armor will rust.”

How does his family actually feel about his knighthood? Suddenly his two children and his wife enter the hall. All three are dressed modernly. The two young people wear headphones and stare at their smartphones. The woman greets us wordlessly with a nod. “Yup, can you take the kids to tennis?” – “Well done, lovely maiden! The horse is already saddled!” - "Please bring them in the SUV! They have to be there in 15 minutes." - "Now, please let me sing to you first and do the service of love. I wrote this song for you." He reaches into the inside pocket of his armor, takes out a lute and begins to sing: "Ni hat et gebet in nobler Frouw / Ta dudelidi tadeldei / Wunnesam, well done from head to shoe / Ta dudelidi tadeldei."

The person being sung about lets out an annoyed sigh and leaves the hall with the children. It takes seventeen verses before the minstrel notices her leaving. “Well, my clan doesn’t like the Middle Ages and even thinks I’m crazy!” He hits his helmet with a golden scepter. "I'll go see the barber immediately. Bloodletting is needed. Then I'll be healthy again!" He bursts into maniacal laughter.

Suddenly the hall darkens. An eerie sound rings out: "Huuuuu! Huuuuu!" Is that the castle ghost? We disappear, pale as a noble blueblood. Knight Jupp calls after us: "Don't worry! It's just our vacuum robot. Something's stuck in the air duct. It has to be repaired by the blacksmith first... So stay put!"