End-of-life care | Final Help – In the end, know how to do it

A candle burns in mourning after the death of someone in a hospice. Photo: dpa/Birgit Reichert When a person dies, they sometimes withdraw more and more. He refuses visits, loses interest in food and drink and sleeps more and more. Relatives ask themselves: How should I deal with the situation? “You have to accept when holding hands is no longer desired,” says Ingrid Stork, who leads a “last aid course” in Trier.

She describes how breathing changes in dying people. And how stressful breathing pauses are for relatives. The dying process is different for everyone, but: “The ultimate sense of the person who is leaving is hearing. And that's why the note: You should always think carefully about the conversations you have at the bedside of a dying person," says Annika Robling, a health and nursing nurse at the Trier Hospice, who leads the course with Stork. The course aims to “encourage people to stay at the side of the dying instead of turning away, often out of fear of what might come.” 

The participants in the course came because they want to know more about death and dying. "My mother died in January and I'm currently accompanying my boyfriend, who is seriously ill," says Rita. She is looking for an exchange and wants to get tips and advice from experienced people. 

Renate says she has accompanied several people to their death. "Sometimes I'm at a loss as to how a situation could be handled better." She feels left alone when she can't really talk to anyone about it. The course closes exactly this gap: “We want to take away the fear that people have about the topic,” says Robling. And help people feel better prepared. The knowledge of how to accompany people has been lost, she says. “In the past, people died in families.”

In order to regain this knowledge, the non-profit organization Last Hilfe Deutschland offers courses nationwide. The first took place in Schleswig in 2015, and today there are 6,000 course leaders across the country, as deputy managing director Filipa Sickmüller says. 

Palliative care physician Georg Bollig came up with the idea. He said: "Last aid is just as important as first aid." According to Sickmüller, there are now courses in almost 20 countries - in Europe, but also in Brazil and Australia. “We have grown up.” In Germany, they are often offered in hospices, but also in companies. »We can also talk about it in a café. Death is part of life.«

For Robling, it is very important to respond to the needs and wishes of the dying. If someone wants peace and quiet, they should accept that. Cook your favorite meal or celebrate a birthday if you want. »You should try to make the most of every moment. Which doesn't mean it's always nice.«

More and more people wanted to die at home. There are a number of offers of support, says grief counselor Stork. An example is specialized outpatient palliative care, which enables outpatient hospice service in one's own four walls. Doctors and nursing staff are available around the clock. “Many people don’t know what’s on offer,” says Stork. 

The course also includes information about regional contact points and offers of help, offers tips on the time after death and how to deal with grief, as well as tips on burial. You don't need any previous knowledge.

How could you do something good for people when they are dying? Air sprays or fragrance lamps are often well received, says Robling, based on her experience from seven years of working in the hospice. Aromatic oils are also pleasant for massages and for oral care. »The mouth is often dry and this is good for moistening.«

If desired, you can also dip a sponge in water, coffee, tea, Prosecco or Caipirinha and then dab your mouth with it. »Anything that makes you happy is allowed.« 

And nobody has to be a professional, says Stork. “When you go into the last days and weeks, it’s just good to have someone by your side.” dpa/nd

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