The truth: Spahn is now taking over the store

“Expropriate the criminals!” the protesters chant loudly in front of the Left headquarters in Berlin. This is initially nothing unusual, after all the party was very successful in focusing on this issue in the last election campaign, after a previous referendum had already seen a majority call for the socialization of large housing stock in the capital.

But the many men wearing suits and the few women in business suits who gathered today in front of the Left's federal headquarters in Berlin-Mitte do not belong to the party's core electorate. In addition, these well-heeled protesters do not want to socialize a living space, but rather the party's listed Karl Liebknecht House.

The current owners are blatantly violating the common good, says a man in a midnight blue double-breasted suit, pointing to the roof of the house. In the turbulent years after reunification, the PDS had a tilting window made of plastic installed there that did not comply with the monument regulations. The left has therefore forfeited its basic right to ownership of the house, argues the activist Dr. Rainer Bönnemann. In fact, the Basic Law allows restrictions on ownership under certain circumstances, even if tilt windows are not explicitly mentioned in our constitution.

“We see an urgent need for action according to Article 14,” the legally experienced demonstrator tells us. Dr. Dr.'s main job is consulting. Bönnemann real estate companies in debt collection issues, but also debt collection companies in real estate issues. He demands that the party must hand over its headquarters to the general public by the end of the month. The general public should then be represented in trust by a law firm - preferably his own - until a private investor is found for the Karl Liebknecht House.

"Of course we only want to expropriate the left in order to then privatize it. We're not ideologically blind crazy people!" explains the real estate expert, who fervently believes in the invisible hand of the market.

“She stroked me on the head when I made my first million with junk real estate,” enthuses the privatization ultra, who actually considers any kind of dirigisme to be heresy, Marxist damage magic and blasphemy of the holy boom.

Bönnemann is not alone in this almost religious rejection of left-wing socialization plans. After decades of radio silence, the specter of communism is once again haunting the old front-line town. The first townhouses are already being boarded up or torched by their owners out of fear of red political commissioners. In wealthy Dahlem, a free corps of villa owners has formed who have armed themselves with golf clubs and champagne coolers, right up to the privately insured dental veneers.

Business associations such as the Brachial Market Economy Initiative, the Camorra medium-sized business association and the Swabian mafia, which hardly operates undercover in Berlin, are also taking part in the protests in front of the Liebknecht House.

"Heidabimbam! Grasdaggl!" complain two southerners whose spaetzle clans have become immeasurably rich in the Prenzlberg real estate bonanza. Since the evening of the election, the heads of the families have feared the establishment of a Soviet republic and are using their serf tenants as mercenary troops for the counter-revolution. They rudely offer mouth bags to a left-wing functionary on the way to his office.

Chancellor Merz, who is already very annoyed by Berlin, is now having his Defense Minister Pistorius check whether there is actually a national guard in Germany that could be sent to the rebellious capital.

The dismantling of the Left Party and its subsequent privatization appears to frightened middle-class voters to be a comparatively moderate reaction to the election results. We've been used to sounds like that for a long time. After all, Minister of State for Culture Weimer is also proposing the privatization of public media without causing turmoil in the republic's television armchairs or a "J'accuse...!" appears in the television magazine Prisma.

Jens Spahn has now adopted the suggestion. Chaired by the mask dealer, a commission is supposed to find buyers for a left that will soon be expropriated. The CDU politician is considered the ideal candidate for the deal, after all, Spahn has already transferred assets larger than those of the SED heirs from public to private, and possibly even to his own hands.

Direct marketers such as electricity and telecommunications suppliers are interested in the Left party cadres trained in door-to-door election campaigns, political celebrities like Heidi Reichinnek can hope for secondary exploitation on reality TV, while staid obsolete models like Bodo Ramelow would undoubtedly have to be shut down.

The Karl Liebknecht House and other party offices are to be taken over by the serious criminal, suspected money launderer René Benko, who wants to create other picturesque investment ruins in German city centers in addition to the insolvent Karstadt department stores. The suspected money launderer and clan boss Issa Remmo, who is also a serious criminal, has apparently already secured a majority share in the Neukölln district association, which he would like to market even more consistently as a showroom for anti-Semites than before.

Chairman Spahn wants to personally seize the party's six direct mandates in order to exercise them one after the other until 2042. This would mean that Spahn would finally be independent of the annoying will of the voters, which has repeatedly hindered his career so far.

With the privatization of the Left Party, a development reaches the progressive spectrum that has long been successfully completed in the right-wing camp. Under its CEO Merz, the CDU has become a listed subsidiary of the asset manager Blackrock, even if conservative stocks are now only traded as penny stocks. The AfD is largely owned by shareholders Musk and Putin. As is well known, the stinking residue was putrefied by the heirs of an Austrian house painter.