Arrival at the apartment after your vacation: Karnickelweg 7b, newly renovated

W e spent six weeks on holiday in Turkey with the family and we now look so crisp and brown that the neighbors at Karnickelweg 7b have difficulty recognizing us. For our part, we also find it difficult to recognize our own house.

The housing association has completely “modernized” the external facade and the stairwell. At least that's what it says in the letter that we found in our "modernized" mailbox.

“The rent will definitely be increased now,” I complain. "I know these cutthroats. If they knock in even a single rusty nail, they'll want more coal!"

In contrast to me, my wife is really happy about the “new” staircase: “The hallway finally looks as if people live here and not just any animals,” she exclaims enthusiastically.

“If that’s the case, I can safely put my extensive search for a new apartment on hold,” I answer.

"What large-scale search are you talking about, lazybones? No one has ever found an apartment by lounging around on the sofa!"

"Eminanim, now don't be so unfair. Before the vacation I even called someone who advertised an apartment."

“I know you called a so-called model apartment and spent hours negotiating her hourly rate with a call girl named Chantal.”

“I thought that was the monthly rent for our future apartment.”

To avoid further accusations, I pack my suitcases and drag them upstairs to the apartment.

“Osman, do you know what else is in the letter from the construction company?” my wife calls after me.

"I can already imagine what else is in it: We have to pay for the paint for the renovation ourselves. By the way, I think soft pink for the stairwell is problematic. We could have just moved into the model apartment."

Eminanim ignores my complaint and happily reads out from the letter: "Dear Engin family, after six weeks the time for drilling and hammering is finally over. To appreciate your patience during the renovation work, we would like to compensate you with 150 euros for the noise and inconvenience."

"That's great. I'll write them back straight away," I say happily.

"Osman, that's really nice of you. Civilized people just have to show their appreciation and express their gratitude for so much care and a job well done."

"Thanks? Are you crazy? What for? I'm writing to them that the last few weeks have been hell for us and that's why we had to flee to Turkey. I demand that they cover our entire flight and hotel costs of 10,780 euros. Completely. That would even make the soft pink walls shine. I won't let myself be fobbed off with just 150 euros for such inconvenience."