Column | Berlin solves the Middle East conflict

Photo: dpa/Sebastian Gollnow As a good German you should have a fundamental opinion on the Middle East conflict. This means that you have decided in favor of one of the two parties to the conflict and support them unconditionally. Basically it's no different than in football: Dortmunders despise Schalke, Unioners despise BFC and caries patients hate Jürgen Klopp's teeth.

In football, as in the Middle East conflict, there is only black and white. Anyone who is sensible understands this. As an adult German man, it is a bit embarrassing for me that - unlike in football: iron! – have not yet made a final judgment on the Middle East conflict. I definitely have a latent discomfort with the fact that people are killing each other there, but that is by no means an acceptable political position.

Andreas Koristka is editor of the satirical magazine “Eulenspiegel”. He writes the column “Supervised Reading” every two weeks for “nd.DieWoche”. All texts at dasnd.de/koristka.

I have already been to Israel and even visited the West Bank. On this trip at the latest I should have allowed myself to be indoctrinated from one side! Unfortunately, I met both friendly Palestinians and friendly Jewish Israelis back then. I was invited to breakfast in Bethlehem and Neve Zohar. If the tahini hadn't tasted good somewhere, my decision would have been easier. My Palestinian host presented me with the key to the house that his parents could no longer return to. My Jewish room landlord introduced me to his disabled wife, next to whom a suicide bomber had blown himself up.

Luckily, many people are unfamiliar with my problems. Millions of good ideas are circulating, especially among Germans, on how to finally end the war between Israelis and Palestinians. Unfortunately, none of these great suggestions have been implemented yet. The spectrum ranges from Trump's Riviera in the Middle East to a happy state from the river to the sea, where the rulers of Hamas deliberately refrain from raping and shooting Jewish ravers and all residents wear beautiful LGBTQIA+ keffiyehs in the colors of the rainbow.

Basically you just have to choose one of the many good suggestions. And yet those down there can't agree on anything. You have to ask yourself whether they are actually up to the task. Wouldn't it be better if opinionated Germans (i.e. not me) took over the conflict completely for them? A first step in this direction has already been taken: in Berlin, the Middle East will decide on the next mayor. Whether apartments in the capital will be socialized in the future and a little more bulky waste will be cleared away depends mainly on Israel.

That's a good thing, because in the capital the complicated dispute is in experienced hands. Berlin has had good experiences with both a two-state and a one-state solution over many years. If the future Berlin Senate does not present a peace roadmap for Palestine and/or Israel, it would be a bitter disappointment and a total political failure.

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