Federal President | Friedrich's lady for Bellevue

Merz and his wife Charlotte in Bellevue Palace: Now a woman should also become Federal President. Photo: dpa/Hannes P. Albert Friedrich Merz has decided that the next Federal President should be a woman. He even has to! “I am determined that it has to be a woman,” Merz dictated to the excited capital city journalists in their notebooks. That's a noble gesture! The noble black knight from Brilon holds the door of Bellevue Castle open for a lady. Who would have expected someone born in the Sauerland region to have such charming generosity?

But the anxious question remains as to whether a woman would be up to the high challenges of the office. Well, the big company car comes with a chauffeur. Fortunately, a female president will never find herself in the awkward position of having to reverse this vehicle into a parking space.

Andreas Koristka is editor of the satirical magazine “Eulenspiegel”. He writes the column “Supervised Reading” every two weeks for “nd.DieWoche”. All texts at dasnd.de/koristka.

But what about the physical demands? We hear from well-informed circles that the previous official, Frank-Walter Steinmeier, does nine and a half push-ups every day and trains his rotator cuff with the Theraband. He also does exercises with a hand trainer so that his handshake remains firm yet supple. This is the minimum requirement for the job as Greeting August! Another is to keep your own bodily functions under control and not burp loudly at the state banquet.

It's not just from the Union that one hears slight doubts as to whether delicate women's bodies can withstand these demands. In addition, female traits could be a hindrance in the tough office. Every man in the republic has known since the Wulff case that as a Federal President you are not allowed to accept a Bobby car even if it is intended for your own children. But could a woman remain steadfast when the coveted toy is reflected in the bright button eyes of her own offspring? What if this sight triggers a surge of hormones in her? Can it be ruled out that these hormones are clouding her vision? Would she even fall victim to the fallacy that accepting a crappy bobby car doesn't constitute the crime of corruption?

There are definitely reasons why there has not been a female Federal President since the Federal Republic of Germany was founded. Merz risks a lot if he abandons this traditional democratic custom. In the spirit of equality, you have to give him credit for that. And perhaps one can also be cautiously optimistic: Heinrich Lübke was able to work as Federal President for ten years even though he suffered from dementia. Joachim Gauck even cheated his way into office for five years using only the two words “freedom” and “responsibility.” Given these experiences with male predecessors, one can perhaps be cautiously optimistic that a female federal president would not permanently destroy the republic.

Of course you can't rule it out. But trying is worth it. And if everything works well, then it will be Friedrich Merz who will have completed emancipation. In this case, he will rightly go down in history as the “male Simone de Beauvoir with the island of hair.” Very few people would have believed that he had the opportunity to achieve this success.

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