The truth: Naked in the wind

Even pronounced in English, it is a special case, the fall: Every year, as autumn gets underway and dominoes fill the supermarkets, a breathtaking spectacle takes place outside in the streets and squares. The actors are trees, time-honored giants of our flora, undisputed rulers of our forests and, especially on the side of the country roads, murderous brake blocks of our car traffic. As if by an agreed signal, they suddenly shed some ballast. They cheekily dress up for the winter as soon as the days get shorter. Many call this a disaster.

In keeping with the situation, things are quite slippery. By freeing themselves from the leaves they have used for months, the leafy crown bearers are following an ancient rite. This apparently tells them to strip completely naked and get naked down to the bark.

Experts suspect that what is behind this is the forest giants' irrepressible urge to appear naked. Their goal is to reproduce, and they do this self-destructively and with raw branches. Can you blame them? Especially after scorching summers, they are keen on variety and a bit of dirty action in the bushes.

The woody seed plants have been competing with us humans to dominate the earth for a long time. Both growth forms have come a long way. From an evolutionary perspective, we bipeds were ahead for a while, but come harvest time the tide seems to turn. The horny tree sheds its dirty foliage and leaves it ruthlessly crumpled everywhere like a teenager leaves smelly clothes in a teenager's room. This activity remains frighteningly vital because it is about his awakening sexuality.

The trees do not act carelessly, but rather maliciously and planned. The organic waste on the paths should not only annoy us humans, but actually harm us. They want to decimate us so that there is more room for them! The treacherous creatures are perfectly happy with the fact that around five million people in Germany have accidents every year when they fall, many of them while walking on wet leaves!

The German language even has its own expressions for this: The bullet hits fellow citizens. Or: they are felled by the fretsaw. How many of these unfortunate contemporaries ultimately die remains the dark secret of the trees!

Because many people still go for a walk innocently to listen in the forest of leaves. They believe the legends that the trees help small animals over the winter by shedding their leaves and contribute to humus production. That's why people march straight through the piles of leaves, hop around in them and enjoy the contemplative rustling. If one or two leaf veins crack, the walkers don't care - they are "just" leaves! They suddenly feel very sad when it hits their own ribs - when they hit the wet ground hard!

“There is also a lot of hypocrisy,” explains Dr. Adrian Vanderbilt, bone specialist at the Munich Klinikum Rechts der Isar. "Like us humans, trees simply follow their instincts. Their instinct says leaf by leaf: you or us!"

Like in ancient porn films, the woody plants spontaneously defoliated - driven by an ancient program that commands them to kill in order to survive. Dr. Vanderbilt suggests taking the dark longing of trees seriously. He says they no longer want to carry or be blank slates.

"In the spring they shoot out, in the fall they can't contain themselves anymore. And if they don't find adequate victims," ​​the scientist whispers darkly, "they come from branch to stick, shake a few off the gnarls and kill our older fellow citizens!"

In view of the disturbing developments, it is time for us humans to prepare for the last stand and show the colorful, archaic monsters what a rake is. In any case, they have to reckon with our rakes! Which of the two forms of life ultimately prevails is a different matter. But be careful, it could get slippery!